The Weight of Being Late

Do you know anybody who always seems to be late for everything? It seems that every circle of relationships has one of two of these people. If you don’t know who it is in your circle, it might be you.

“It’s just how they are.”

Many people blame chronic lateness on personality. “That’s just how Steve is,” they’ll say; “that’s how he’s always been.” This is along the same lines as being a “disorganized person” or a “perfectionist.” I often hear people chalk up chronic lateness as though it could be one of the extremes on a personality test. “I’m extroverted,” they’ll say, “I’m intuitive, emotional, and I can’t seem to show up on time to anything.” It’s funny, though, that nobody seems to want to make a personality trait out of showing up on time. Sure, there are those who show up way too early for everything, and we make excuses of the same nature for them. But when a person continually shows up right on time, we don’t feel the need to explain it away because it doesn’t seem like a character flaw.

How much do you care?

It’s funny how people always feel the need to excuse their lateness. No matter how awkward it is, everyone seems to want to offer some convoluted and unreasonable explanation for their tardiness, even if it’s obviously deceptive. The reason is because everyone understands tardiness to be a form of disrespect. It shows that you care more about your alternative activities than what you would be doing at the meeting, job, date, or whatever you might be late for. “Chronic lateness” is just a term we use to describe someone who happens to be involved in a lot of activities they don’t actually care about.

If I were chronically late for dates with my wife, she would be understandably pissed, but not because I’m late. If I’m late for a legitimate reason such as a stroke or death, she won’t be upset that I’m late. But if I’m constantly showing up late to a date because I was working late, she’ll be justifiably upset because I broke a promise. I promised that I would care about my relationship with her more than I care about work, and when I constantly put work ahead of her, I break that promise.

When you actually care, it shows.

Working with teenagers, people (usually parents) often ask me how difficult it is to deal with their short attention span. My response is always the same. Teenagers do not have a short attention span because of their age. Teenagers can sit for hours at a time completely glued to Modern Warfare 3 without even blinking, but when it comes to listening to a lecture about geometry they suddenly become easily distracted. The difference in their attention span is based upon whether or not they care about the subject matter. Geometry does not interest them, fragging their friends does.

In the same way, everyone shows up on time to things they actually care about. If it’s an interview for a job that you really think you’ll enjoy, you’ll find a way to show up on time. If you’re a total geek, and the hottest girl you’ve ever seen agrees to go on a date with you, there are very few powers in the universe that could stop you from showing up on time smelling much better than you normally do. A person who really enjoys their job has no trouble with the snooze button, no matter how early it is.

Call it what it is.

A person who is chronically late is a person who has decided to be involved in things they don’t care about very much. Fear of failing at things you care about can get you involved in a lot of things you don’t care about. Fear of disappointing people can cause you to get involved in a lot of things you should have said “no” to. Whatever your motivation, if you find yourself showing up late to things all the time, you should probably consider bowing out of some things. In addition to being a relief to the people with whom you’ve developed your reputation, you’ll find this practice to be incredibly freeing. Suddenly, you’ll have time to do things that actually motivate you to get your lazy butt out of bed in the morning.